Selfie sticks have unjustifiably earned a bad rep in the short time they have been in the spotlight of pop-culture. We live in a culture that actively promotes narcissism with every mainstream technological advance, but it is suddenly frowned upon whenever someone wants to take a group photo without bothering a random onlooker—an onlooker to whom the terms “focus” and “flash” remain alien in the year 2015.
Such irrational hate can always be attributed to that one person who manages to ruin a perfectly functional piece of technology for everyone else. For Bluetooth headsets, it was the pretentious CEO holding a conversation with an investor while ordering some chicken McNuggets; the same person who gets annoyed when people respond to their questions without realizing they were talking to an invisible human living inside their ear.
As for the selfie stick, it was either ruined the moment tweens at a Justin Bieber concert decided to duel each other with them or the moment someone died from lacking the situational awareness to be in close proximity to a major roadway. Regardless, in the wrong hands, selfie sticks can provide an even more distracting experience than someone’s mother recording the aftermath of an accident with an iPad.
With that in mind, some concepts just should not exist in the realm of reality. One of which, is the “selfie spoon.”
No, you did not read that incorrectly. It is not April 1st, the time of the year that brings out the worst in people—I know because I already checked. It’s only October. You have General Mills, Cinnamon Toast Crunch and society to blame.
Released as a “free” promotional tool to capitalize on today’s youth, budding narcissists only have to pay shipping and handling fees—in addition to whatever dignity they had left. This selfie spoon abomination is part of Cinnamon Toast Crunch’s “Cinnamilk” campaign, a collaborative effort between General Mills and McCann to introduce diabetes to a new generation of youngsters—all while raking in those valuable hashtags and retweets.
The very concept of the selfie spoon is almost Orwellian in nature, a simple thermometer that measures the nuclear decay of our society—one sugary bite at a time.
Almost immediately after posting the promotion to the official Cinnamon Toast Crunch Tumblr account (yes, that is also a thing), the entire stock of 1,000 selfie spoons sold out.
Just when all hope may seem lost, it is important to notice the bight side to this phenomenon. If you ever contemplated unfriending or unfollowing someone on social media but ultimately could not follow through with it, now all you have to do is keep an eye out for selfie sticks attached to spoons in your news feed. Allow Cinnamon Toast Crunch to make the decision or you.